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Tuesday, December 6, 2016

1 || One of the countless letters I write but cannot send

I really don't know what kind of sick game life is playing on me. Everytime one aspect of my life gets better, it seems to be different or even worse on the other side. Sometimes I ask myself  why and what have I done to deserve such. Do I really deserve it? It pains me. Every night I sleep with a whole in m heart and wake up leaving tear stains on my pillow. I cry. I cry even in my sleep. I cry even in my dreams. And I continuously ask why.

What is it with people coming into my life and leaving? Why is it that people so dear to me leave me even before they say their goodbyes? I always wonder what's wrong with me. I always wonder how wrong could I possibly be.

Is it because of the way I wear my rainbow-colored hair? Was I too blonde when I had my hair blonde that made you go the other way? Or is it because of my boisterous laughter? Or could it possibly be because of the trendy clothes I wear? I don't know but I never intended to repel you away from me. All I know is I am just being me! Does it hurt you that I am just being me? You can be you, too. I won't even judge.

And here I am again, hopelessly writing a letter that I can't even send.

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